4 Ways to Lead by Example
Set and Model Expectations
Great managers excel because they have learned a valuable truth:
The team will pay more attention to what you DO than what you SAY.
I learned this lesson the hard way. I am clear with my team that I expect them to unplug and not worry about work when at home. I want them to have a respectable work/life balance and constantly remind them of this. One woman on my team would continue to send me emails or reply to emails on the weekends. During our one-on-one, I reiterated that I didn’t expect her to do that and that I wanted her to disconnect from work. Her response was “you are sending and responding on the weekend, so I just assumed it was expected regardless of what you said”.
Talk about a gut punch. I set one expectation with my words but demonstrated a completely different expectation with my actions.
Here are 4 things that you can DO to lead by example and ensure your words match your actions.
Disconnect from work at night, on weekends, and especially on vacation. Explain that you are available for emergencies, but only emergencies. If you really must do emails at night or weekends, schedule them so they don’t send until the regular workday.
Constantly talk about how you balance home and work and how you disconnect. Tell them little things like “I was at my son’s soccer game and didn’t even have my phone with me – it was so nice to disconnect and focus on the game.” Every time you share a story, without hammering the message, it lets them know that work not being the center of your life is OK. Also, don’t brag about the long hours or commend someone for the long hours, talk about how you feel bad that they had to do this or that it was a sign of failure somewhere along the road.
Let them know that you don’t always feel or do great. We are all humans and have days where we are incapable of our best work. We may not feel well, or we may be worried about something at home. No one can be 100% all the time. Let them know this is OK by sharing how you aren’t always 100%. Tell them that you didn’t sleep well and you are having trouble concentrating. Share how focusing in yesterday’s meeting was tough because you were worried about your spouse dealing with an issue.
Share with them your development plans and how things are going. Everyone should have development goals – including managers. Share with your team what the goal is and give them updates along the way. It is important to even share where you are struggling – maybe it is hard to find time or the skill is taking longer to develop than you thought. They know somewhere in their mind that you are human just like them, but you talking about it creates a permission structure for them to be human as well.
These things run counter to what we’ve been taught about managers and leaders for years. We were led to believe that managers had all the answers and didn’t have any of the same issues as the team. It is imperative that you show that this isn’t true.
Back to my story about me setting the bad example on email. I told her that she was right, I had messed that up. I promised her that I would no longer send or respond to emails on the weekends if she agreed to do that with me. I could see she was hesitant, not sure whether I really meant it. It was hard, but every time I wanted to check email or send something, I thought of her response to me and resisted the urge.