For the third time that week, an employee on Bernard’s team walked into his office, sat down, and asked, "So, what did you want to talk about today?" Even though Bernard clearly set the expectation that the employee was to create the agenda for the meeting. The thirty minutes that followed felt more like an awkward interview than a meaningful conversation. Bernard found himself doing most of the talking, asking probing questions about project status, while his team member provided short, reactive responses. By the end, he knew little more about what was really on their mind than when they'd started.
Sound familiar? Bernard's experience reflects a common challenge many managers face with one-on-one meetings. Despite blocking out dedicated time for these conversations, they often feel one-sided, superficial, and frankly, like a waste of everyone's time. The root of the problem isn't the concept of one-on-ones—it's who's driving the conversation.
From Manager-Led to Employee-Owned
The most effective one-on-one meetings happen when employees take ownership of the agenda. This isn't about managers being lazy or unprepared; it's about recognizing that these meetings serve a fundamentally different purpose than team meetings or project updates. One-on-ones are the employee's dedicated time with their manager—their opportunity to discuss what matters most to them, whether that's career development, project roadblocks, team dynamics, or even personal challenges affecting their work.
When managers control the agenda, the conversation inevitably becomes about what the manager thinks is important. But when employees drive the discussion, you tap into what's actually on their mind, what's blocking them, and what they need from you as their leader.
TL;DR The employee-led one-on-one helps build a more trusting relationship and provides the manager with key information on how to be the best leader for that person.
Setting the Right Expectations from the Start
The key to successful one-on-ones begins with crystal-clear communication about expectations. Managers need to explicitly tell their team members that coming up with topics for the meeting is their responsibility. This isn't something you can assume they'll figure out on their own—many employees have been conditioned by previous managers to show up and wait for direction.
Here's how I frame it:
"These thirty minutes belong to you. You can talk about anything that's on your mind—work status, project questions, professional development, challenges you're facing, ideas you have, or even personal things if you are comfortable. The only requirement is that you come prepared with topics you want to discuss."
Notice the approach here: you're creating boundaries (it's their time, they need to come prepared) without imposing structure (they choose the topics). This balance gives employees the freedom to bring up what matters most to them while maintaining the expectation that they'll use the time productively.
Did They Meet Expectations?
When you set the expectation, you have a responsibility as a manager to judge if the employee met that expectation. You do it in all their work. You should provide feedback, develop, and coach as necessary, but let them know that owning the agenda is something you will hold them accountable for. If they don’t do it, that will be reflected in their performance discussions.
This reframing helps employees understand that showing up unprepared isn't just disappointing—it's a missed opportunity that could impact their professional growth. When they view the meeting as their dedicated access to leadership support and guidance, they're more likely to come prepared with meaningful topics.
Navigating the Awkward Transition Period
Be prepared for the first few meetings to feel uncomfortable. Employees who are used to manager-led discussions may sit quietly, waiting for you to take control. They might offer vague responses like "everything's fine" or default to basic status updates. This is normal, and it's crucial that you resist the urge to fill the silence.
Instead, try responses like: "I'm here to listen to what's on your mind. What would be most helpful for us to discuss today?" If they truly seem stuck, you might offer a gentle prompt: "Is there anything you're working on where you could use input? Any challenges or questions that have come up this week?"
The key is to redirect ownership back to them while providing just enough guidance to get the conversation started. Stay patient during this transition—it often takes three to four meetings for employees to fully embrace their role in driving the agenda.
Making Preparation Non-Negotiable
While you don't need to require employees to share their agenda beforehand, you should absolutely expect them to arrive with one. Make it clear that walking into the meeting with "I don't know, what do you want to talk about?" doesn't meet expectations.
You might establish this boundary by saying: "I don't need to see your agenda ahead of time, but I do expect you to have one. If you come to our meeting without topics to discuss, we'll reschedule so you can prepare properly."
This expectation accomplishes two things: it reinforces the importance of the meeting, and it ensures that your time together is productive rather than spent scrambling for conversation topics.
The Long-Term Payoff
When employees truly own their one-on-one agendas, the quality of your conversations will transform dramatically. Instead of surface-level status updates, you'll have deeper discussions about career aspirations, creative solutions to challenges, and honest feedback about team dynamics. You'll learn what motivates each team member, what obstacles they're facing, and how you can better support their success.
Bernard eventually made this shift with his team. Within a few months, his one-on-ones became the meetings he looked forward to most. His employees came prepared with thoughtful questions, brought up innovative ideas, and shared challenges early enough for him to help solve them. Most importantly, he finally felt like he was getting to know his team members as individuals and professionals.
The transition from manager-led to employee-owned one-on-ones requires patience and clear communication, but the investment pays dividends in stronger relationships, better team performance, and more engaged employees who feel truly supported in their roles.