Managers often find themselves in the role of giving feedback—whether it’s to direct reports, peers, or even their own leaders. But there’s a common misconception that feedback is a directive, something that *must* be followed. In reality, feedback is a suggestion. It offers insight, a different perspective, or an alternative approach, but it’s ultimately up to the recipient to decide whether and how to act on it.
When managers approach feedback as a requirement rather than a resource, it creates unnecessary tension. The person receiving the feedback may feel defensive, or worse, pressured into making a change they don’t actually believe in. When that happens, feedback loses its true purpose: to help people grow, not to control them.
The Mindset Shift: Feedback as a Tool, Not a Rule
Many managers think, *If I’m giving feedback, it’s because I see something that needs to change.* That may be true, but the key word is *needs*. Not everything requires change. Some feedback is about improvement, efficiency, or refinement rather than correcting outright mistakes. The person receiving it should weigh the input but ultimately make their own decision.
A great way to shift your mindset is to think of feedback as an invitation rather than an instruction. Instead of “You need to start doing X,” try “I noticed something that might help—are you open to hearing it?” This keeps the conversation open rather than turning it into a one-way command.
Why People Resist Feedback (and What to Do About It)
One reason feedback can be hard to accept is that it can feel like criticism, even when it’s well-intended. People are wired to protect their sense of competence, and when they hear feedback, their first instinct might be to defend their current approach rather than consider an alternative.
Here’s how to make feedback more welcome:
Check your intent. Are you offering feedback to help the person grow, or just to make them work the way *you* prefer? If it’s the latter, reconsider whether the feedback is necessary.
Make it specific. “You should be more confident in meetings” is vague and unhelpful. Instead, try, “When you present, your insights are strong, but your voice gets quieter at key moments. Speaking up could help your ideas land better.”
Give them space to decide. Instead of saying, “You should change this,” try, “Would adjusting this approach help you?” This shifts the conversation from directive to collaborative.
Actionable Strategies for Giving More Useful Feedback
Since feedback is ultimately optional, your goal as a manager is to make it as valuable and actionable as possible. Here are a few ways to do that:
Lead with curiosity
Before jumping in with feedback, ask questions. “What was your thought process behind that approach?” or “How did that feel to you?” This helps the other person reflect first, making them more receptive to what you share.
Give choices, not ultimatums
If you frame feedback as “You should do this instead,” it can feel like an order. Instead, offer options: “One way to approach this could be X, or you might try Y. What do you think would work best?”
Provide context, not just opinion
Saying “I don’t think that will work” isn’t useful. Instead, explain why: “When we tried a similar approach last quarter, customers responded better to a more direct message. Maybe testing a version with clearer language could be helpful.”
Follow up without pressure
After giving feedback, don’t expect immediate change. Instead of “Did you implement what I suggested?” try “How did you think about that feedback?” This keeps the conversation open rather than forcing compliance.
Conclusion
The best managers understand that feedback is about offering a perspective, not imposing a decision. When you frame it as a suggestion rather than a mandate, people are more likely to consider it thoughtfully and apply it in a way that fits their style.
So the next time you give feedback, ask yourself: Am I offering this as an option or as an expectation? The more you lean into making feedback collaborative, the more valuable it becomes—for both you and the person receiving it.