How to do Check-Ins
An Important Element of Building Relationships
Early in my career, I had a manager who was a nice person, but it was clear that he only saw me as someone he wanted to interact with if he needed me to do something. Occasionally, he would come to my desk, sit down in the chair that was squeezed in the small cubicle and ask, “how are you doing?” My answer was irrelevant. He didn’t care. He was there to ask me to do something. It didn’t take me long to catch on. Not that I minded the work, but I hated the fake question. I was young and insecure, so I always indulged the question. If someone were to do that to me now, my response would be much more sarcastic (probably like “Do you really care or are you just here to give me work?”).
It is safe to say, he wasn’t a great manager to me or anyone else on the department.
One of the keys to building a relationship is to do the check-in. The check-in is simply making sure you connect with the individual in a friendly way daily, without wanting anything. This post will talk about a few ways to do this effectively. One of the challenges for managers is that most of these techniques work great when everyone is in the office, but I’ll show you how to do it for remote employees as well.
The Morning Greeting
One of the best ways is simply to say good morning to everyone on the team. If you are the first in the office, then make sure as people start arriving you do a quick walk through. All you need to do is a quick good morning, maybe ask how they are or another simple question, or comment on something (new haircut, nice outfit, etc.). To add a little twist to the greeting, maybe ask about what they did the night before or how something went. For example, someone left early the day before to attend a child’s school event, ask how it went.
For remote employees, this works well on chat. I don’t suggest email because that seems way too formal. A text message would be fine.
What you don’t want to do is to make this feel like you are checking to make sure they are starting work on time. Which means, don’t jump on them as soon as they walk in or send a chat as soon as you see they logged in. Maybe it is something you do mid-morning between meetings.
Do you need to do this every day? Not necessarily, but try to do it as often as possible.
The Follow-up Pop In
This is one of my favorites and accomplishes a few different purposes. If you know someone had an event in the previous couple of days – big meeting, something they were concerned about, personal event – stop by and ask how it went. For example, “I remember last weekend you and your wife were going to see that play downtown – how was it?” First, it gives you a chance to just connect with someone. Second, it shows that you were listening to them – never underestimate how much that is appreciated. They feel like a person then, not just an employee.
Remotely, again, this would be a great chat or text. For something that might be a bit bigger – like an anniversary or a graduation – I would make it a quick call. If you do call, make sure you focus only on the event you are following up on, don’t try to cram 3 or 4 topics in the chat.
The Goodbye
Like the morning greeting, but obviously done at the end of the day. All the same rules apply. Again, don’t make it seem like you are simply making sure that everyone is working until the end of the day.
I wouldn’t use this one remotely, unless there is something going on with that individual that evening. For example, if someone was leaving on vacation that night, I might say “just wanted to say that I hope you have a good time and get some rest – we will take care of things here, don’t worry about anything.”
The Weekly Starter
This is one that I’ve used to great effect, but it doesn’t work everywhere. This is where on Monday morning I send a greeting for the week. I try to share something I did on the weekend and then I give a brief rundown of my week – when I’ll be available, if I’m out, etc. It is not a status meeting, but it feels a bit like it.
Where this works well is if I can use it to start an email chain (not a long one) where the team shares. For example, after the Super Bowl I may say “I really liked the X commercial – which ones did you like?” It can foster a little discussion and if no one replies, no big deal.
Obviously, since this is an email, it works for both in office and remote.
The Fun Chat
I don’t use this one often, but it can be effective occasionally. I will send out a group chat message with something fun – a joke, a quiz question (totally unrelated to work), a survey, etc. If they are busy, they can ignore the chat, but it is a nice way to break up the day sometimes. If your team is getting more comfortable, one of them may actual start doing this as well. I’ve even used it to send out a motivational quote I heard recently that resonated with me.
Cautions
As I mentioned earlier, don’t give them the impression you are checking up on them. Avoid saying things like “got in a bit later than normal this morning” or anything that lets them believe you do not have positive intent.
Don’t do this too often or too aggressively. Some managers think they must do all of these – you don’t. Just find different ways to connect with people in a non-work role.
You may be tempted to use jokes or humor – go for it. But be careful. It may morph into inappropriate things or feel like you are picking on someone. I’m not saying to be fake, but any one of these things could backfire.
Don’t force it. If someone doesn’t like when you stop by because they are busy in the morning, don’t do it. My wife is an admin assistant at a high school. The mornings are stressful because she must get substitutes for teachers out sick and make sure everything is covered. When her boss wants to stand there and chat, it frustrates her beyond belief. Read the room.
Conclusion
The goal is to connect and so the team feels seen and appreciated as people, not as employees. If work creeps into everything you do, they will start to feel like your connections are disingenuous. Over time, these little interactions will make a huge difference in your team being engaged and trusting you.