When Feedback Turns Into Coaching
Knowing the Line and What to Do About It
If you're a manager, you're probably giving feedback all the time—after a meeting, during a one-on-one, even in the hallway on the way to grab coffee. It's quick. It’s direct. It sounds like:
“Hey, in that client call, you cut Steve off a couple times. It made it hard for him to get his points across. Try giving him more space next time.”
That’s feedback. Short, specific, and focused on a moment. It's a nudge.
But what happens when the same issue keeps coming up? Or when the conversation starts expanding beyond one specific moment into patterns, assumptions, or habits?
That’s when feedback turns into coaching.
And as a manager, it’s your job to know when you’ve crossed that line—and how to handle it when you do.
Feedback: The “Hey, try this” moment
Feedback is the tool you should use most often. It’s your daily maintenance. It’s how you keep things running smoothly without always jumping into a formal meeting.
The best feedback has three parts:
1. An observed behavior: Something you actually saw or heard.
2. The impact: Why it matters.
3. A next step: What they can do differently or continue doing.
Here’s another example:
“I noticed in the project update, you skipped over the budget piece. That left the team confused about where we stand. Next time, make sure to include a quick financial snapshot.”
That’s it. You’re not unpacking someone’s mindset or motivation. You’re not solving the whole problem. You’re just highlighting a single behavior and giving a clear next step.
Coaching: The “Let’s talk about what’s behind this” conversation
Now let’s say this same person keeps leaving out budget details. You’ve given the same feedback three times. They nod, say “Got it,” and…nothing changes.
This is when you shift from feedback to coaching.
Coaching is a deeper conversation. Instead of telling, you're asking. Instead of focusing on a single moment, you're exploring patterns, habits, or gaps in understanding.
You might say:
“I’ve noticed the budget piece has been missing in a few updates, even after we talked about it. I’m curious—what’s going on there?”
Now you're not just pointing out a behavior. You're trying to understand what’s beneath it. Maybe they don’t feel confident with numbers. Maybe they think the budget isn’t important. Maybe they’re overwhelmed and rushing through the update.
This is where you move into questions like:
- What’s your thought process when you’re planning your updates?
- What’s your understanding of why the budget matters to the team?
- What’s making it hard to include that piece?
Now you’re coaching.
Why coaching is *required* (even when it’s not an order)
Here’s the thing: feedback is optional. People can take it or leave it. You hope they take it, but it's ultimately their call.
Coaching, though, comes with a little more weight. You're not issuing a command, but you *are* expecting them to engage. You’re saying, “This isn’t just a suggestion—this is a conversation we need to have, because it’s connected to your growth, your role, and the team’s success.”
That can be a tricky balance. You're not barking orders. But you're also not walking away if they shrug it off.
If someone avoids the coaching conversation or gives vague answers like, “Yeah, I’ll just do better,” it’s okay to hold your ground:
“I want to really understand what’s going on here, so we can make a plan together. It’s not about perfection—it’s about progress, and I’m here to support that.”
How to know when to make the shift
If you’re unsure whether you should keep giving feedback or shift into coaching, ask yourself:
Has this come up more than once or twice?
Is this behavior starting to impact others or bigger outcomes?
Is the person repeating the behavior despite previous feedback?
Do I sense there’s more going on under the surface?
If the answer is yes to any of those, it’s time for a longer conversation.
Tips for having a solid coaching conversation
When you do shift into coaching, set yourself (and the other person) up for success. Here’s how:
Create space for it.
Don’t try to cram coaching into the last five minutes of a 1:1. Set aside time, even if it's just 20 minutes, and let them know what it’s about.
Start with curiosity, not assumptions.
Use language like “I’ve noticed…” or “I’m curious about…” instead of “You always…” or “Why do you…”
Ask open-ended questions.
Think “How do you approach…” or “What’s your thought process when…” instead of “Did you mean to…” or “Why didn’t you…”
Listen to learn.
Your job is to understand, not to fix everything in one go.
Co-create a next step.
Coaching isn’t just talk. You’re still aiming for behavior change, but the path forward is something you agree on together.
Conclusion
Some managers try to solve everything with feedback. It feels efficient. But if you’re seeing patterns, coaching is the only thing that will get you real traction.
On the flip side, don’t over-coach when a quick piece of feedback would do. Not every moment needs a deep dive.
The real magic happens when you know which tool to use—and when.
So next time you're about to give feedback, ask yourself:
Is this a one-time thing, or is it time for a deeper conversation?
If it’s the latter, take a breath, clear your calendar, and lean into coaching. Your team—and their growth—will thank you.